


Hard Spun

by LadyofAvalon



Category: Protector of the Small - Tamora Pierce
Genre: F/M, Kel kicked out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-30
Updated: 2012-06-07
Packaged: 2017-11-07 05:39:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofAvalon/pseuds/LadyofAvalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years ago, Keladry of Mindelan was dismissed from the pages. Her dismissal left her broken in a way that could not be fixed, but she still went on. Now, she's being sent back to Tortall by the Yamani Emperor. Can she deal with this cruel twist of fate?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Assignment

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally written back in 2007, when I was first writing fanfic. There is a scene in this story (in the next chapter) that has Kel extremely out of character for how I present her in this prologue - I hope you will forgive me for that. 
> 
> I have also given Kel the name 'Keladry of Narimou' and stated that 'Narimou' means 'Thunder Mountain' in Yamani. This was based on the idea that 'nari' meant 'thunder' in Yamani and it has no basis in Japanese whatsoever ('nari' actually means 'sum of money' in Japanese rather than 'thunder' as it means in Yamani) and it was chosen because it made sense to me at the time and sounded cool. Kel's husband was also given a very unimaginative and generic Japanese sounding name at the time, and that remains.
> 
> The majority of this fic is set about ten years after Page.

Standing by one of the Emperor's ponds, Keladry noh Narimou, formerly of Mindelan, watched her reflection, thinking of how she had changed in the years since she had left Tortall.

The reflection showed a woman of twenty-one, a lady of the Yamani courts. Her hair was bound back in a long braid; the reddish-brown color it had become was very evident in the locks that hung down in her face, framing her dreamer's hazel eyes. Her nose was small and delicate, like most of her features. She was very pretty, though she did not think herself so.

She wore a pale gray kimono under an over-robe of jet, which was embroidered with delicate white flowers at the hem and the sleeve edges. She really had become a Yamani lady.

"You may enter, now, Lady Keladry." The voice surprised Kel, who had drifted off in thoughts of her year as a page more than a decade ago. Her face became as smooth as stone as her thoughts of a moment before faded back behind her Yamani mask. She turned, noting the serving girl who had spoken, and acknowledging her with a nod. She stepped forward to stand before the intricately carved door. Her hand rested on the knob for a moment before she entered the Yamani Emperor's throne room.

Kel walked briskly to the dais, stopping in front and bowed, dropping to her knees and touching her forehead to the floor – a bow that was reserved for only the highest ranking of the Yamani royalty. After several moments, ones that seemed like forever to Kel, she rose from the crouch, sitting back on her ankles, and folded her hands on her lapShe kept her eyes averted, not out of respect, but out of nervousness. The showing of emotion was thought a sign of weakness among the Yamanis, and Kel did not want to be branded weak.

"Lady Narimou," the Emperor said, "it has come time that an ambassador be send to Tortall, as the negotiated marriage contract between Prince Roald and Princess Shinkokami has successfully brought a peaceful alliance to the Islands and Tortall. I have selected you. You know Tortall better than any of the others in my court, and you, though you are Tortallan yourself, are one of the most excellent examples of a Yamani lady in the entire court."

Kel jerked her head up, her face was as smooth as she could make it, but her eyes held disbelief, and her mouth was slightly open. "But, my lord, surely there is a better candidate for the position. There are many who know more than I about the land of Tortall. I lived there but a year and a half that I remember, and I am not, by far, one of the better examples of the Yamani ladies," she protested.

Had it not been for the fact that he never showed any emotion, the Emperor would have smiled at her."That affirms that I have made the right choice. I do not want a dignitary who thinks to highly of himself, that would run the risk of offending someone in the court of the Tortallan king. You are my choice, Lady Narimou, and you will go." With that he flicked his fingers toward the door, signaling that she was dismissed.

Kel bowed once more before rising. She walked to the door, still shocked. She had never wanted to go back to Tortall after Lord Wyldon had dismissed her, now she had no choice. She did miss Neal and her other friends among her yearmates, but going back…. that felt like rubbing salt in an old, unhealed, wound.

Until now, she had pushed her year as a royal page to the back of her mind, trying to forget the pain. Now she was reliving it again. The disappointment when Lord Wyldon had dismissed her, and what had happened after. The hurt she had felt for months after, and the hard choice to return to the Yamani Islands. Everything that had happened since then was flowing back, all of the hurt, and the little joy, everything.

Kel went directly back to her rooms, not to pack, but to get a hold of herself – her self-control was slipping, and she did not want any of the Yamanis to see her breakdown. Her thoughts drifted back to how she had become the Lady of Narimou, sole holder of an ancient fief.

_The carriage was uncomfortable for Kel, dressed as she was, in a heavy brilliant silver silk kimono. She sat across from a man who was more than ten years older than herself. He looked very pleased with himself, from the Yamani point of view._

_Kel had agreed to an arranged marriage only because it had been the best, and probably only, way to get her family out of the financial trouble that having four daughters in the Tortallan court, and one in the Yamani, had caused. Now they were on their way back to the fief – Narimou, or Thunder Mountain in Common – right after the ceremony._

_The carriage jolted suddenly, throwing Kel forward onto the floor. There was a shout outside, and the clash of steel. She and Catsumi exchanged glances, neither bothering to hide their emotions, then they went after the weapons they had hidden in case of emergency during their trip back. Kel's glaive was gone, but his sword was still in place. As soon as it was in his hand, he shot another glance at Kel._

_When he saw that her glaive wasn't there, he held up a hand, "Stay here," he ordered before stepping out of the carriage. That was the last time she saw him alive. She found it hard to just sit there while a battle, albeit a small one, was going on outside. She couldn't go out there unarmed, that would cost her life, probably rather quickly, and that was not something she intended to lose._

Catsumi had been killed not long before the fighting had ended. Kel would never forget that day. It was burned into her memory as the memory of Lord Wyldon's dismissal was. It was hard to think about that, but it was even harder to think that she was going back. Back to the place that had rejected her for who she was and who she wanted to be.


	2. The Palace

Kel glared out the window of the carriage. She was not pleased to be back in Tortall. It just didn't seem right, coming back after all these years. Not after what had happened last time. She most definitely wasn't looking for ward to seeing Lord Wyldon and King Jonathan. King Jonathan had been the one to allow, maybe even force upon her, the probation. And Lord Wyldon…well, he'd never liked her, as far as she knew.

The carriage slowed to a stop in front of the Palace. Stepping out, Kel took the first look at the Palace that she'd had in almost ten years. She smoothed her kimono, made of pale blue silk with a dark blue over robe, and white obi; and took a deep breath, steeling herself for what lay ahead.

Inside, as she walked up the staircase she saw a group of knights standing at the top, of to the left. She watched them as she moved closer. Amongst the group were Nealan of Queenscove, Merric of Hollyrose, and others who had been her friends during her single year in Corus. She cast them as passing glance, though she kept herself silent, she didn't want to get back into the relationships if she was going to leave once more after this meeting with King Jonathan.

Neal noticed her as she passed, and caught her gaze, and almost stared at her as she departed from the area. Following his gaze, Merric and the others turned to see where his attention had been caught.

Kel stiffened slightly, trying to keep walking away. She hated doing that, she wanted to talk to them. They had been her only friends when she'd been in Tortall. They'd done so much to make her feel like one of the boys.

If she'd learned but one thing Yamani Islands, it was that walking away was always one of the hardest things to do. It was even more so for her now, with her old friends standing there.

* * *

At the welcoming celebration, which was directed toward her, Kel looked around, her eyes attentive on a few small details. Many of her old yearmates, and the pages who had been among those training at the palace, were in attendance, some of them with young wives.

She could see no girls among the pages, squires, or even the knights. It was apparent that no other girl had tried after she'd been rejected, they'd probably all been too scared. One of the knights she'd seen earlier, Neal, in fact, was watching her. From what Kel knew, Neal had married one of her best friends in the Yamani Islands, Yuki.

Yuki had written frequently, at first about Tortall and what Princess Shinkokami had been doing, but eventually the letters had become more sketchy on details such as that, and the main focus had been the love of Yuki's life, Nealan of Queenscove. She was glad that Yuki was happy, but the letters made her miss her old friends even more.

She met his gaze, knowing that he didn't recognize her as Kel; she'd changed alot since she'd left. Somehow, even though they were in the same room, this made her miss him more. She missed the times they'd had together, and the times they might have had. Now, more than ever, she wished that things hadn't been the way there were. But she couldn't change that, no matter how hard she tried.

Maybe one day she'd have the chance to start anew, and not worry about the pain she had to deal with now. Maybe someday, but not today.

Averting her eyes, she looked away from Neal, shaking her head. She wanted those thoughts out then and there. She didn't have time for that; she had to focus on her duty.

Then King Jonathan stood up, making a motion for her to join him, and Queen Thayet on the dais. She did as he wished, her feeling of foreboding growing stronger. When she reached him, she curtsied, not in the Yamani way, but in the Tortallan style, catching him off guard. Very few Yamani ladies, excluding the three who had become permanent residents in his court, used that style.

"Lady Narimou, my wife has reminded me that I usually make a point to take the time to get to know the ambassadors in my court, so that we might work better together as King and ambassador. The meeting will be informal, no titles, or anything. During that, I will just be Jonathan the person, not Jonathan the king. Would you join me and a guest in my study at the eighth bell?" Kel nodded sharply, not trusting herself to say anything. Somehow, the only thought in her mind was that this could only be trouble.

* * *

Kel knocked on the door to King Jonathan's study at the appointed time, though she was unsure whether it was a good idea or not. Either way, whatever was going to happen would happen. It was a private, unofficial meeting, no formality or diplomacy. They were so speak as equals, not as ambassador to the King and his Training Master, just as people. "Enter," a voice from inside called. She did as she was told, closing the door behind her.

She walked toward the desk, her breathing was becoming heavy as she neared; she was getting very nervous. "King Jonathan. Lord Wyldon." She nodded to each in turn, her voice holding just the barest hint of ice. Obviously the two men noticed, because King Jonathan frowned, glancing at Lord Wyldon, who was also frowning severely, and watching the king.

"Is there a problem, Lady Narimou?" Jonathan asked, his voice cool, but not icy.

"Yes, Your Majesty. There is. I do not want to be here, but my Emperor sent me anyway. Every second I spent in Tortall is like vinegar in a cut." Kel was becoming increasing angry; her entire body was shaking, and she was fighting to keep a civil tone in her voice. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Jonathan took that opportunity to speak again.

"Is it? Why is that, Lady Narimou?" Kel sighed, trying to let go of the anger that was taking hold. She bit her lip, resisting the urge to yell. That would completely ruin things. "I can see the reasons, milord. Both of them are right in front of me." Kel turned her blazing hazel gaze on King Jonathan and Lord Wyldon, making it apparent the reasons she was pointing out.

Lord Wyldon's frown deepened, he didn't seem to know why she was upset with him, or with the king. Kel watched him, almost not believing what she saw. "You don't remember, do you, Lord Wyldon? You don't remember the girl page who you put on probation, do you? The only girl to try for her knighthood as a distaff knight in near two centuries. Keladry of Mindelan." Kel could see that he remembered that much.

"I am Keladry of Mindelan. I'm the one you dismissed." A silent tear slipped down her cheek, even thinking about it hurt more than she had words to describe it. "I'm the one who you destroyed," she whispered, her eyes now full of tears. Even with ten years of Yamani training, she couldn't keep it in. After a moment, she wiped the streaming tears away; sniffing, she looked up at Jonathan and Wyldon.

"After I was dismissed, I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to be a court lady, and I didn't have a future as a knight, like I had so hoped. So I went back to the Yamani Islands with my parents. When they came back to Tortall, I stayed there, learning how to live in their court again. I married the lord of Narimou when I was eighteen. He died the same day in a bandit attack. I am the sole holder of Narimou, now; and I am the Yamani ambassador to Tortall. All I ever wanted was to be a knight. Now I'm exactly what everyone thought I should be." Kel took another deep breath, even though she was through speaking.

Lord Wyldon was practically staring at her, the shock evident on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, trying to find his voice. Finally, he did. "My lady, I…" He shook his head, unable to think of what to say "I...I am sorry. I never thought about it from your point of view. I regretted dismissing you, after I'd done it, but I had no idea what I'd done to you until now. I cannot say how wretched I feel for what I did…" Wyldon trailed off, he didn't know what else to say, at that, he didn't know if he could actually say anything more.

King Jonathan watched her thoughtfully, "I, too, regret your dismissal, but more so do I regret ever allowing you to be put on probation. It was an unfair choice for me to make; but I made it all the same. I am sorry for your loss and for your unhappiness, Lady Keladry, but I cannot change what happened."

A smile touched Kel's lips, lingering for a moment. "Thank you, milord, I understand. I apologize for my display today. I am still tired from my journey here, and this is a rather trying experience for me to have returned to Tortall. If you don't mind, I'd like to retire to my quarters." When Jonathan nodded his acknowledgement, she bowed to them, placing her hands on her thighs, and walked as calmly as she could from the study.


	3. "You've Changed, Kel"

By the next morning, Kel felt much better, both emotionally, and physically. She opened her eyes, thinking that it had all been a dream, her room was so much like the one she'd had during her single year as a page.

But she quickly remembered where she was and what had happened. She sighed, and pulled herself out of bed. Sleepily, she dragged herself to the pitcher and basin on the dresser.

She poured some of the cool water onto the basin, and used it to splash her face. After drying her face, she looked in the mirror. She really had changed. She flicked a few strands of reddish hair out of her face, winding a finger through them as she thought about what had happened the night before.

She felt rather ashamed that she'd lost control like she had. She rarely lost control, and usually it was her temper, which she could check if it got out of control.

She felt that she had made a fool of herself in front of the king, and Lord Wyldon. She should have gone to Shang instead. Then she would be a stronger person, and a better warrior.

Stop that, Keladry, she chided herself. What's done is done. It can never be undone. Face it, and deal with it. Face it, Kel. This is your life. You were always told that you could be who you wanted to be. Are you really the person you want to be? You're bitter toward King Jonathan and Lord Wyldon for doing what they had to do. You acted like a baby in front of them last night. You can do better. Show them you're stronger than that. Show the world that Keladry of Mindelan is not dead, just hidden beneath all the hurt you held onto for all those years.

When Kel looked at her reflection again, she saw the determination that she hadn't seen since she was a page. That seemed so long ago now.

She took a deep breath, and dressed for the day, choosing a kimono the color of the upper petals of a bird of paradise, an over-robe of a beautiful deep cerulean and finally an obi of very pale yellow.

Once dressed, she unbraided her long hair, unbound it fell past her waist. She hadn't cut it since she'd left Tortall the last time. Picking up the brush she had laid next to the basin, she brushed out the few tangles that had managed to work their way into her chestnut colored hair.

She had actually been surprised when she'd noticed that her hair had shifted from the mousy brown it had been to the reddish color it was now. Nevertheless, the color seemed to suit her.

Finally done brushing, she began to rebraid her hair. About halfway down she stopped braiding, and twisted the braid, binding and pinning it into place just above the nape of her neck. Flowing from the braided portion, the unbound part of her hair rested at shoulder length.

With one last look in the mirror, she left her room, to see if she still remembered how to navigate the palace.

Not halfway down the hall, she spotted Neal coming her way, reading a book, and eating an apple.

Typical Neal, she thought. She tried to avoid his attention, hoping that he wouldn't look up from his book. But he did. He met her eyes. There was obviously some recognition, but he did not know who she was.

"Hello, I don't believe we've met, I'm Sir Nealan of Queenscove." She might have frowned but her self-control got the better of that reaction. Either Neal had changed alot, or his knight-master had managed to whip some strict manners into him.

"Keladry noh Narimou, formerly of Tortall," she replied, her hazel gaze searching his face for any sign of recognition.

Neal gulped, "Tortall?" It all seemed to hit him in an instant, "Were, were you from Mindelan, previously, perhaps?" He asked nervously.

Kel nodded. "Yes, Neal, Mindelan. It's me, Kel." She smiled slightly, and almost giggled when she saw the look of disbelief on his face.

His green eyes were wide, his eyebrows had almost risen to his hairline, and his jaw had dropped. He stared at her for a moment, amazed at how she'd changed since she'd left the Palace ten years before.

"Kel," Neal was still almost speechless with shock. It was rather funny to her. "My, you've changed, Kel. I-I didn't recognize you," he stammered.

Kel gave him a genuine smile, something that she hadn't done in a long time. "It's alright, Neal. I didn't think you would, I have changed alot since I left. It's been nearly ten years since then, as it were."

Neal nodded, trying to think of a response. "How have you been since I last saw you, Kel?" He asked.

"I don't really know, exactly….alright I suppose. It's been a hard road, the one I chose when I left." She looked away; she did regret that choice she'd made.

She could have stayed, and joined the Queen's Riders, instead. Maybe she could have figured out something else.

Stop it, Kel! You're doing it again! Feeling sorry for yourself is not going to help.

"And you, Neal?" Neal nearly laughed when he thought of all that had happened to him. He'd had the Lioness as his knight-mistress, and he'd literally had Lord Wyldon tie his tongue in a knot after one too many wisecracks, among other things.

"It has been…interesting….you always told me that I'd get my tongue tied in a knot by someone someday, and I did. Lord Wyldon got mad enough and tied my tongue in a knot. It was an unpleasant experience, to say the least. But not as bad as all of the vegetables that you made me eat."

Kel smiled at him when he mentioned the vegetables. It was so easy for him to break her Yamani mask.

That was probably one of the reasons that he had been her best friend. He'd always made her feel welcome.

Unconsciously, Neal changed the subject when his stomach growled. Even after the apple, apparently, he was still hungry.

"Kel, would you like to join me for some food?" he asked, an amused grin spreading across his face.

Kel snorted, then nodded. "I don't see why not. Lead the way, Neal."


	4. "If You'd Never Left"

Not too long after lunch, Kel made her way back to her rooms, thinking to herself. As she walked, she seemed to click into her old routine – the one she'd had as a page. She stopped paying attention to where she was after a while.

"Keladry of Mindelan?" A deep voice caught her attention while she was walking past one of the gardens. She turned to see a tall man, whose eyes were as black as his hair. He had a kind look to him, but a fierceness that seemed to go with his height and the rest of his appearance.

Beside him was a woman who didn't even come up to his shoulder. Her hair was a brilliant shade of red, her eyes a deep purple. Kel recognized her at once – the Lioness. The only female knight in Tortall, and the King's Champion. Alanna the Lioness was one of the most famous people in Tortall and the surrounding lands.

The other was Lord Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak, the knight commander of the King's Own, who was also known as the Giantkiller.

"Yes?" Kel was actually surprised to see both of them. Since her departure, it had been said that both the Lioness's and the Giantkiller's relationships with King Jonathan had been rather strained. It was also a known fact that the Lioness had refused to speak to the king for nearly three years.

Alanna watched her quietly while Raoul spoke, "You are Keladry of Mindelan, correct?" He asked. Kel paused, thinking about the question for a moment.

"No. I was Keladry of Mindelan. I am no longer called that. I left that name behind when I left Tortall. I am Keladry noh Narimou, now," she said softly.

Alanna and Raoul both frowned at that, briefly exchanging glances. Alanna glanced around, noting the other people who stood in the garden.

"Why don't we move this into a more private area, Raoul?" Without waiting for his response, the Lioness started toward the entryway where Kel was standing. She rather energetically bounded up the few steps between the garden and the archway.

Raoul followed at a slower pace, looking slightly resigned, which probably had something to do with the fact that he knew Alanna so well.

As Alanna passed her, she indicated that Kel was to follow her. The Lioness led them to a small room off to one side of the outer hall. The room was smaller than it looked – there was a large table surrounded by chairs in the center of the room. Aside from that, there was very little in the room, but there wasn't any room for much else. There was only enough room around the edge of the table on three sides for a person to move by; the only place that there was room was by the door, where there was another small table, which looked to be where the refreshments were placed.

Alanna pulled a chair from the table and sat down. She then indicated to Kel and Raoul that they were to sit, as well. They followed her unspoken instructions, and after they had, there was a moment of awkward silence between the three of them. It was Alanna who broke the silence.

"Keladry, I really cannot think of a way to say this. Raoul and I have been talking a lot since you left. First of all, we think that you should know that we wish you hadn't gone back to the Yamani Islands. We had an opportunity we were trying to set up for you, but you left before we had a chance to finish it. We wanted you to stay. It's kind of lonely being the only female knight," Alanna rolled her eyes, as if to make her point.

"If you hadn't left," She paused again, glancing at Raoul. "We had made plans to try to help you return to the palace, disguised as a boy, so that you could get your knighthood as I did. We were about to tell you when we recieved word that you'd already departed…" Alanna trailed off, nudging Raoul to go on. He sighed.

"I was thinking about taking you on as my squire, had Wyldon allowed you to continue…" Then, he, too, trailed off, and the awkward silence resumed.

Kel smiled slightly, but could not bring herself to push past her Yamani mask much more. It was kind of them to say that, and she knew that they meant it, but they couldn't do anything about what had happened. She shifted nervously.

"Thank you, my lord, Lady Alanna," she whispered, just loud enough for them to hear her. Without another word, she slowly rose and left the room, leaving a slightly sad Alanna and mystified Raoul behind her.

Why did this have to hurt her so much? Why was she having such a hard time controlling her emotions here? It was like being back in Tortall was stripping her of all of her Yamani practices.

All of the self-control that she'd worked so hard to perfect was slipping through her fingers like grains of sand. All of the practice that she'd had, even at her husband's funeral, just disappeared when she was with the people that she'd known or heard about when she was had lived in Tortall.

She walked back to her room, those thoughts swirling in her head. She was back before she even realized it. Quietly she let herself into the room and sat down on the bed. Sighing, she pulled out the journal that she had brought with her.

She'd been using it since before she had left the palace; it was particularly evident from the different types of script she'd used. When she'd left Tortall, she'd reverted to Yamani, and she'd used that ever since.

She opened it to one of the pages of Yamani calligraphy, an entry from right before she'd left.

_I'm not really sure if I know who I am anymore. I don't know what I can do to go on. I can't go back to the palace; I refuse to go to the convent. I guess my only choice is to go back to the Islands. At least there, they'll let me train as a warrior, even if I become a lady. It's so hard to think that I can't go back to the palace. I worked so hard – I did the best I could, and I wasn't good enough. I'm not sure of myself anymore…I don't know how I'm going to be able to go on like this…_

She stared at the page after she finished reading it…it seemed so long ago, but in many ways it wasn't…she just wished she'd stayed…


	5. A Knight at Heart

"Neal. Neal, get up." He woke to someone shaking him. It was obviously well after dawn, judging from the way the sun was shining in his eyes. "Neal, if you don't get up, I'll go find Lady Alanna," the voice threatened. Neal turned sleepy eyes on his wife, Yuki, who was standing over him, looking just a tad annoyed.

"DongeLanna," he muttered.

"What was that, Neal?" Yuki asked; her voice was full of false innocence. Neal rolled over, turning sleepy green eyes on her.

"I said, 'don't get Alanna.' I don't want to get up now." Yuki raised a delicately arched brow.

"I could get your dear sweet cousin, Domitan, instead." That did it. He was out of the bed before she could even finish her sentence. If there was one thing that Neal hated, it was getting woken up by the cousin who called him 'Meathead' all the time. It rarely ended up well, in Neal's case.

Last time, his hair had been pink for two weeks, and the time before that, he'd had a cucumber magically stuck to his forehead for almost three days. All of his experiences with his cousin waking him up had been bad. He couldn't imagine what Dom was planning for the next wakeup prank, and he wasn't sure he wanted to…

Satisfied, Yuki walked away, undoubtedly to finish getting ready for the rest of the day. He knew that she'd probably been up since before dawn, practicing with her glaive. He looked out the window, wishing that the sun would go back down and he could sleep more.

That was when it dawned on him. The oldest page in history had been twenty-three. If he and the others could get Lord Wyldon to agree, then maybe, just maybe, Kel could have a private knight's education. Then she could have her dream, and maybe even stay in Tortall for good.

This idea pleased him to no end. He, Sir Nealan of Queenscove, had come up with an idea that was more than good – it was brilliant! For him, that was rare. More so because whenever he did come up with a good idea, it was usually knocked down by Yuki, Merric, or even Owen. Owen had a tendency to get on Neal's nerves, with his overly cheerful attitude, and the fact that he used 'jolly' so much. Neal had come to hate that word.

Sulkily he dressed and brushed out his hair. As he did so, he wondered if any of the others were up yet. From what he could tell, it was a few hours after dawn, meaning that they would be down in the mess hall, if they were up at all.

Once Yuki pronounced him fit to leave the room, he did so. It was a good thing that Yuki had decided that he needed to be checked over before he left their rooms, else he might have had a few very interesting days. For once, he walked down to the mess hall without any problems. Usually at least one of his yearmates, a younger sibling, or one of the palace servants waylaid him while he was heading down there.

Merric and Owen were eating breakfast when he got there. The redheaded knight looked up when Neal entered, grinned at his friend, and went back to his food. Owen was facing the other way, but turned to see who Merric was looking at.

"Neal! Isn't it just a jolly morning?" He exclaimed, using his favorite word. Neal made a face and walked away to get something to eat. He returned with a bit of sausage, a fried egg, and a roll.

"No, it is not a jolly morning, my annoying, ebullient, savage-minded, overly-friendly knight," Neal told him. Owen just grinned. He knew how much Neal hated the way he acted in the morning.

Merric watched his friend for a moment. "What's on your mind, Neal? You only have that look on your face when you have something on your mind, or an idea." Merric could only guess what ridiculous scheme Neal had come up with this time…

Neal hesitated. What if they thought that it was a bad idea? Well, it was better to give it a try than to just let it go. "Well, you two have probably heard who the new Yamani ambassador is, correct?" Both Owen and Merric shook their heads. Neal gave them an exasperated look and rolled his eyes. "It's Kel." Merric stared at Neal, while Owen's jaw dropped at least six inches.

"She's changed. She's not the Kel we knew anymore. I can see it in her eyes," Neal continued. "She's lost, I think. When I spent time with her yesterday, I could tell…she doesn't have hope anymore. I was thinking." Merric made a noise that sounded like a cross between a laugh and a noise of disgust, which caused Neal to glare at him.

"That's never a good thing. What ridiculous idea came to you this time?" Merric asked. Neal wanted to wipe the smirk off if his face.

"For your information, it is not ridiculous," Neal said snippily. "I have half a mind not to tell you two about my idea." Merric and Owen snickered at this.

"Half a mind? You have that much?" Owen had started teasing him now. Neal was not happy.

"Stop it! That's not funny! My idea was actually good. Now be quiet!" He glared at them, which immediately shut them up. They knew when they'd gone too far. Four years with the Lioness had resulted in the lady knight's temper rubbing off a little on her former squire. "Now, as I was saying. This one is actually a good one. If Kel will agree, and we can get the Stu- Lord Wyldon to agree, as well, maybe Kel could achieve her dream after all. The oldest page in history was twenty-three, she still has two years before then. Maybe we can get her a knight's education in private." Neal paused, looking hopefully at his friends.

Merric was blinking very fast at Neal, as if he was unsure that it as actually Neal. Owen was just looking at him with a dumb look on his face. "That is actually a good idea, Neal. I like it!" Merric grinned at Neal, who was looking very happy with himself.

"So, we'll go talk to Lord Wyldon after breakfast?" Owen asked. Neal nodded. "Jolly!"

* * *

"What do you think, my lord?" Neal asked the training master. Wyldon of Cavall watched him with an interested look on his face.

"By Mithros, I think that's the best idea you've ever had, Queenscove!" Wyldon said. He was actually laughing. That made Neal frown. Why was he laughing if he thought it was a good idea? Neal sighed. He would never understand the man who was his training master. "Have you spoken to Keladry about this?" Neal glanced up at Lord Wyldon, an all too innocent look on his face.

"Um. Maybe….no..." Neal flushed, looking at his feet. "I didn't want to get her hopes up if you said no."

Merric slipped in the door right then. "I got Kel, Neal. Do you want her to come in now, my lord?" Wyldon nodded in reply and the red-headed knight retreated to the hall.

He returned a few minutes later with Kel trailing behind him. She did not look happy, for all that the green kimono she wore brought out the green in her eyes. That actually made it worse, because her eyes were close to furious as she watched Neal.

"What exactly did you need me to come here for?" She asked directly. Neal and Merric exchanged glances, then both of them glanced at Lord Wyldon.

"You have a good friend in Nealan, Lady Narimou." Kel watched Lord Wyldon, her bitterness toward him just barely showing in her eyes. Her face was Yamani smooth. She closed her eyes for a moment.

"What has Nealan done, now?" When she opened her eyes again, she looked at Neal. The lack of emotion scared him a little, though it hadn't when they'd been pages together.

"He has come to me with a suggestion. The idea is reasonable to me, and I am willing to allow it if you wish to accept the offer. If you still want to be a knight, then you may have private training as a page." Kel stared at the Training Master. There was a storm cloud on her face; for all that she was fighting to keep her mask in place. She took a deep breath before she responded in a calm voice.

"I thank you for your offer, my lord, but it is too late. I – I am a member of the Yamani Emperor's court. I am no longer a Tortallan noble. Therefore I am not eligible for your offer." She bowed in Yamani style to the Cavall lord, then turned to go.

Everyone in the room watched her go, Wyldon and Neal even looked sad. A though occurred to Neal as he watched his old friend leave. ' _She really is a knight at heart…'_


	6. Unexpected News

Three weeks later, Kel was getting used to being ambushed by her old friends at least once a day each. Even Cleon had followed suit after he'd gotten back from Kennan. They'd taken to going out of their way to spend time with her, presumably to make her feel like she was welcome, and that she was still one of them.

Kel sighed as she walked away from the mess hall, where she had just escaped Merric and Owen. They were frustrating her to death with the very bad attempts at making her laugh. It was horrible.

They had taken to making jokes about the King's Own, a number of whom had been sitting in the mess. She was honestly glad that she wasn't related to either of them. Neal made better jokes, and he was sarcastic enough that some of them were actually funny. Merric and Owen were just embarrassing.

She walked down one of the back halls, careful to avoid all of aforementioned old friends. Pausing briefly at a window, she glanced out at the part of Corus that was visible. Unlike she had when she'd been a page, she didn't feel the sense of dread that had once plagued her. She had gotten over her fear of heights. Still, her hand clinched when she looked out the window, remembering the incident with the pages when Lord Wyldon has discovered her fear. After a moment, she released the gold silk that she clutched and moved on.

She soon arrived at her room, and was almost glad to see that no one was waiting for her. Silently, she let herself into the room. Her feet led her through the pattern that she had fallen into. She looked up at the mirror, noting the way the turquoise of her kimono brought out both the green and the blue in her eyes, and how the gold of the outer kimono brought out highlights in her red-brown hair. She sighed and turned away, intending to retrieve her glaive and polish the wood. A knock on her door stopped her. She sighed once more, and moved to answer the door.

"Lady Keladry noh Narimou?" The young man outside asked. She nodded. "This is for you." He handed her a letter made of ivory parchment and sealed with the crest of the Yamani Emperor's most trusted advisor. Kel almost frowned at that. Almost.

"Thank you," She said. The young man nodded and disappeared before she could say anything else. Kel then proceeded to close the door and open the letter. Her jaw dropped as her eyes scanned the calligraphy.

_Lady Narimou,_

_It is with my deepest regret that I must inform you that fief Narimou is no more._

_It was attacked by bandits three days prior to the anniversary of your late husband's birth. The village was burned, as was your home._

_There were no survivors present. Only those who were away from the fief survived the attack, and they number but a dozen._

_It is to be advised that you return as soon as possible so that we may start reconstruction efforts and arrange plans for the future. If you cannot return, then we will proceed without you, as tradition dictates._

_My deepest sympathies,_

_Lord Aisuni noh Kuraida_

Narimou had been destroyed? How could that be? They had one of the best defenses in the Islands. And if Narimou was destroyed, so was the place she had considered home for years. Only a dozen people had survived. That wasn't even five percent of the population that the fief had had when she had left.

She had to go back. There was no way around it. She fought to keep her composure, even though she was alone in her room. _I am stone. I am the smooth surface of the undisturbed pond,_ she repeated over and over in her mind while she started packing.

Then there was another knock at her door. What else could go wrong? She opened the door to find Neal standing there, with another young man, who Kel did not recognize, standing off to the side.

"Kel! I came to introduce….what are you doing?" He glanced at the silky russet kimono in her hand to the bag on her bed.

"What does it look like I'm doing, Neal? I'm packing." Her face was as smooth as glass, her eyes as hard as the stone beneath their feet.

"I should think that that would be obvious, Meathead," said the young man behind Neal. Neal turned to glare at him. "Since my cousin has gotten sidetracked, I'll introduce myself. I am Domitan of Masbolle, sergeant in the Third Company of the King's Own." He smiled winningly at her, deep blue eyes sparkling.

Kel felt her stomach do a flip, and even fought back a smile of her own, as well as the impulse to giggle.

"Stop calling me Meathead!" Neal snapped, jerking Kel out of her daze.

"Why? It fits!" Dom said. He crossed his arms over his chest and surveyed his cousin, as if daring the young knight to mess with him. He flicked his dark hair out of the way and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, shut it," was Neal's reply. He glared at his cousin for a moment, then turned back to Kel. "Why are you packing?" Kel shifted, wondering for a moment whether she should tell him or not.

"Narimou was destroyed," she said simply. Neal stared at her for a moment, and Dom frowned.

"So you're going back?" He asked. Kel nodded. The look on his face was of complete shock. "Why? There's nothing left for you to go back to, if it was destroyed. Kel, you can't go!"

"I have to Neal. Now, if you will excuse me, I have things to do." She nodded to him and to Dom in a businesslike fashion and closed the door before he could get another word out.

A slight smile appeared on Kel's lips after the door was closed. Domitan of Masbolle. She had met him briefly, and only once, now, but she liked him. He was the type who laughed easily and was fun to be around, that she could tell. Maybe if she hadn't gotten that letter they could have been friends, but now…Now, she had to go back the Islands and she might not be able to return for some time.

Kel sighed again and went back to her packing. What a mess all of this was. Well, at least she knew that she would always have a friend in Tortall – Neal had promised that he would always be her friend, and he had kept his promise. He was a good friend to her, one that she hoped she would always have, even if she never returned to Tortall again.


	7. Dreams

Dressed in a deep red kimono, silver-grey over-robe, and pale sea-green obi, Kel slipped quietly from the palace in the mid afternoon two days later. It had taken her that long to get an audience with King Jonathan, who had been very busy in the past few days. That had been the first thing she noticed when she entered his office that morning – he looked worn and tired. Her meeting with him had been short and to the point, while she explained why she had to return to the Islands, and they discussed a few other things, like what she would tell the Emperor upon her return.

She glanced behind her once more, almost hoping to see Neal or one of the others. None of them were visible. With a final look at the place that had tortured her for years, she turned to go.

Somehow, it was hard - harder than it had been for her to return. A part of her still considered the place home, she supposed. It was a part of her that still held on to the past, even little bits of the dream she had once had, of being a lady knight. Kel had thought that part of her was long dead. She was a Yamani lady now, and she would paint her mask once more for the Emperor's Court. It was the life she had chosen, and it was the life that she would live. Why would she? Because she had to. Because she had no choice.

Kel slipped into the carriage and settled down for the ride. The sound of leather reins flicking reached her ears, followed by the clod of horse hooves on stone. Kel sighed and closed her eyes, hoping that she could find peace once more. It was not long before sleep engulfed her.

_Bandits chased the pages. Adrenalin pounded through her veins. Everything was a blur of motion as they scrambled towards the relative safety of a cave. They were looking to her for instructions; they were trusting her with their lives._

_The rusted stairwell hung in front of her. She was at the top of Baldor's Needle with a dark-haired girl and a dog. They had to get to the bottom no matter what._

_She flung a willow ring from her lance and watched the dog chase it. A tall man walked up to her and the dog. He hefted the ring and looked up at her in mild surprise._

_She was pressing the blade of her glaive against a centaur's neck. He bared his teeth in a snarl and kicked her with his front hooves. Pain erupted in her belly._

_Now, she was jousting with a knight. His lance levered her out of the saddle, and she went flying. The next thing she knew was Lord Wyldon looking down at her while she lay in the dirt. He extended a hand, helping her up._

_A gruesome machine was attacking her and the men around her. She could see Neal's cousin, Dom, close by. He was fighting it, his forehead creased in concentration. The men of the King's Own shouted as they battled the horrible killing machine while all Kel could hear was the crying of a child._

_People sitting at tables in a large room watched her as she stood upon a box addressing them. They listened intently as she told them that she was their new commander. Young girls in the crowd watched her with awe – a lady knight in all of her glory._

_She was dueling a large blond man. He had taken the people in her care. He served the Nothing Man, and didn't care about the children that had been taken from the Tortallan refugee camp. It was her job to defeat him so that she could save the children from being used in the killing machines. That was the quest the Chamber of the Ordeal had given her – stop the necromancer._

_The war was over. She had returned to Corus before the end of the summer and had been greeted by all of her old friends. She even had a squire – one of the new girl squires._

_She looked up into startlingly blue eyes full of caring and love. She was looking into the eyes of Domitan of Masbolle. He kissed her lightly on the forehead, then the lips._

_Raoul handed her a squalling cloth wrapped bundle. He and Buri watched her happily as she held their son._

_She was watching the sunset with Dom when he proposed to her. As the new commander of the King's Own, he could marry and have a family, and he had made it clear that it was Kel who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with._

_Dom's parents had welcomed her with open arms and had happily told her that they were so pleased that their son had found someone that he loved who loved him back as she did. His mother had taken an instant liking to her daughter-in-law-to-be, which made Kel very happy._

_Then she was surrounded by a small group of children. The three youngsters hugged her ecstatically. The eldest was a boy who was about seven. He had dark brown, almost black, hair and blue eyes, the other two were girls. The elder of the two looked to be about five, had light brown hair and hazel eyes, the younger had medium brown hair and blue eyes. Kel glanced up to see her husband grinning at her, a bouncy two-year-old boy in his arms. The child's hazel eyes shined as he watched his mother and siblings. He wanted to join in._

_It was their son's Ordeal. Kel paced nervously outside the Chamber, remembering her own Ordeal. Dom had tried to comfort her, but it was no use. Then the Chamber's door opened and he stumbled out. The Ordeal was over. Her worry now was that it was just two years away that her daughter would be taking the Ordeal as well.  
_

_When King Jonathan died, Roald asked Kel to be his Champion. Alanna has smiled at her and assured her that her time as King's Champion was over, and she harbored no bitterness that the younger lady knight would be taking up the position. In fact, Alanna had told her how proud she was that another lady knight would be the King's Champion._

_Then Raoul had died. Kel was devastated. Raoul had been like a father to her, and she had remained very close to him after she'd been knighted. The only comfort she had was Buri telling her that Raoul had cared for her as his own daughter, even after he had had children of his own. He had been so proud of her…_

Kel woke with a start as the carriage jolted to a stop. She shook her head to clear it. She had had the strangest dream. Glancing out the window, she realized that they had arrived at the docks.

After a moment of hesitation, Kel slipped out. It was time for her to leave.


	8. To Change a Life

Neal was not pleased. Kel was gone again, just like before. He hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye. He couldn't believe that she had done that to him again. They were supposed to be friends, best friends even, and she had just left. She had left without saying goodbye when she had been dismissed from the pages, and now she had done it again.

Yuki had woken him a few hours after dawn and told him that Kel had gone. Now, Neal was even more displeased. The only person who knew when she was leaving was King Jonathan, and he hadn't told anyone because Kel has asked him not to.

Neal walked down the hall, towards his cousin's room. "Dom! Dom, get up!" Neal banged on the door. Neal had already been to the mess hall and the men in Dom's squad had told him that the sergeant wasn't up yet. It turned out it was due to the fact that Dom had been up late because of a dangerous prank played on him. Apparently Wolset had rigged a snare trap in one the gardens, and Dom had ended up hanging upside down for hours after he'd stepped in it.

It was several moments before the door opened. "What?" Dom asked as he opened the door and gave his cousin a very sleepy glare. "Oh, Meathead. What do you want?" Neal frowned and glanced down. There was an angry red line at Dom's exposed ankle.

"Kel's gone, Dom. She left. She didn't even say goodbye." Dom's face fell as Neal spoke.

"She's gone? Just like that? I thought you said that it would be weeks until she left because she had to get an audience with King Jonathan." Dom sighed and shifted his weight. "Ouch, blast it. Come in, Neal." Dom moved out of the way so that his cousin could enter the room. Dom returned to the bed and flopped down, bringing his ankle up for inspection. "I hate Wolset sometimes. His pranks always hurt. I was hanging upside down by my ankle almost all night thanks to him."

"I heard. He was telling the others about his prank in the mess hall this morning at breakfast," Neal replied. "Dom, did you see a healer for that? It looks nasty."

Dom glanced at him. "No. I was going to after I woke up. You do realize that I didn't get a lick of sleep last night while I was upside down, don't you?" Neal shook his head.

"Actually, I hadn't. I've never hung upside down by my ankle all night. It's practically a miracle that that didn't kill you and that you still have your foot…I take it that your boot and the boot-knife managed to stop it from killing the circulation?" Dom nodded in response while he examined the reddened skin. "I can heal that for you, you know. If, _if,_ you stop calling me Meathead."

"Fat chance."

"Come on, Dom! That has to hurt, and I'm offering you a wonderful deal…"

"Forget it."

"Please?"

"No."

"Fine. How about for a month? Well, whatever equals a month of time when we see each other." Neal looked hopefully at his cousin, who was watching him with amused blue eyes.

"Alright, I suppose so…" Dom said with a sigh. He grinned at Neal. "And what are we going to do after this?" He asked.

"We're going to go after Kel." Neal said.

* * *

The pounding of the horses' hooves filled their ears as they rode toward the port. They had left as soon as Dom was able, and they were now riding as fast as they could to catch up with Kel.

Neal grinned when the shore finally came into view. The ship was still there – they had time.

Dom, too, watched the shore, with his eyes trained on the ship. He shifted slightly in the saddle, a very serious expression on his face. On the inside, however, he was far from serious. He was thinking about the young woman who he had just figured out that he had fallen for. He had been thinking about her almost the whole trip, wondering what who the person behind the mask really was.

Finally, they reached the dock. Kel's carriage had already pulled away, and she was onboard the ship. They both dismounted quickly and walked up the ramp.

"What are you two doing here?" A voice asked behind them. They both whirled, then glanced at each other. Kel was standing at the railing above them, looking down on them with her hands on her hips.

The cousins exchanged glances. "Um…looking for you?" Dom offered. Neal nodded vigorously, as if to say 'what he said!' Kel frowned.

"Why?" She asked. This time it was Neal who answered.

"We don't want you to go, Kel, and we don't think you should."

"I have to, Neal."

"No, you don't. You have nothing left to go back to. Please, Kel, everyone wants you to stay, even King Jonathan and Lord Wyldon." Kel sighed and moved over to the steps.

"Coming back has been hard for me. I was denied my dream, my hopes were shattered. Then to have to come back, face all of the things that I thought I'd put behind me, all over again, and to find out that the place I've called home for several years was destroyed...You don't know what that's like, Neal." She said all of that with a completely smooth face. Her eyes only showed flashes of emotion, and those were only a few at best. Neal sighed.

"I don't know what you've been through, Kel, but I'm still your friend. I want to help, and I can't if you leave. You have a second chance here, Kel. It may not be the one you wanted, but you have one all the same. Please, Kel? Will you come back?" The look on Neal's face would normally have been something Dom would have laughed at, but this time, he felt it, too. He wanted Kel to stay, because he could see a friendship in her that he would be lucky to have, particularly if their relationship didn't turn out to be a romantic one.

Kel thought for a moment. He had a point, a very valid one. She had nothing left to go back to. Even if she did, the reconstruction would sap all of her resources. They didn't need her there. She glanced at her old friend, praying that he didn't see this as her giving in easily. If he did, he would never let her live it down.

"Alright. I'll stay," she said. Neal and Dom let out loud whoops. Then Kel spoke again. "But only if you promise to make Merric, Owen, and Cleon stop trying to cheer me up. I don't need to be cheered up by them. It's absolute torture." Everyone, even Kel, laughed at that.


	9. Epilogue: Midwinter Reflections

It was Midwinter about a year and a half later. Kel gripped Dom's hand under the table at one of the feasts. It was the night that they were going to announce their betrothal. Dom grinned at her and squeezed her hand, trying to help quell her nervousness. She managed a smile, not a big one, but a smile all the same. She was still hiding behind her Yamani mask most of the time, but she was getting better about it. If she was going to stay in Tortall, then she would have to work on it.

She had written the Yamani Emperor and asked for his permission to remain in Tortall permanently, as well as permission to marry. She couldn't say that she had been happy about it, but it was necessary according to the protocol of the Yamani Court. The Tortallans weren't as formal as that – all they really had to do was sign the contract and announce it to the rest of the court.

It was rather interesting how her life had changed in the last two years. Now, she found that she could talk to King Jonathan, and even Lord Wyldon, without being bitter about what had happened.

Neal and Yuki had an adorable seven-month-old daughter, and Dom had proposed to her just a few days before. For the first time since she had left Tortall when she was eleven, she was happy, truly happy.

She straightened the Tortallan style russet-colored gown she wore. Dom squeezed her hand again. "You don't need to be nervous, Kel. We're not even the ones who are announcing it. The king has to. We don't even have to stand up," he told her. She nodded, glancing at the dais where King Jonathan and Queen Thayet sat. Dinner had ended a quarter bell ago, and the king would be making his announcements at the beginning of the next bell.

"If you'll excuse me, I need some fresh air," Kel told Dom and the others at the table. She slipped from her chair and quietly disappeared from the room. She headed straight for the balcony. For a while, she watched the stars glittering in the oblivion of the night sky. Before long, she head soft, measured footsteps behind her. She glanced over her shoulder to see Dom standing at her shoulder, smiling softly at her.

"I love you, Kel." He kissed her forehead and pulled her close. Kel smiled.

"I love you, too, Dom."

He chuckled softly and turned his gaze where hers had been a moment before. "Beautiful, isn't it?" He asked. "The view of the stars is one of my favorite things about the palace."

Kel nodded. "Yes, it is beautiful…" She said. They watched the stars for a long time, while Kel contemplated the life ahead of her. It was definitely something she was looking forward to.


End file.
